my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
