I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
