i jhust puked up my retainher.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
