Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
