Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
