the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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