Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
