Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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