I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
