yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
