Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
