Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
