My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
