im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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