Quick, to the slutcave!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
