If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
