Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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