I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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