Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
this will be a night to untag.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
