I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
