Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
