I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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