Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
