yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
