Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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