We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
