The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
