And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Houston, we have a squirter
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
