would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
