I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize