We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
