Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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