I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
