Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
