eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
it hurts more in the daytime
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
