dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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