he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
