Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
