Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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