so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
