oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
