I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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