I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
