I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
