If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
