WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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