So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
