dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
