Porn is love you can see.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize