need another drink. this is the easiest way
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
as a side note pls kill me
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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