Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
