You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
