I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
