This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
