You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize