I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
