A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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