I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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