My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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