8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
