I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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