I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
