I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
