Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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