NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
