using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
