he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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