Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize