I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
