these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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